rhapsdy (rhapsdy) wrote,
rhapsdy
rhapsdy

life...and the lack thereof

so this past weekend, we got a call from germany

it appears that my grandfather has metastesized malignant melanoma, the worst of the skin cancers. He has done his first chemo round and handled it well, but he probably wont be alive much longer, as malignant melanoma is one of the fastest moving cancers there is. In addition, we also found out that his wife's granddaughter has died. When we were there over christmas, we learned that she was 18 and had been diagnosed with aggressive bone cancer, and that they had already had to amputate one of her legs. I know she was suffering a lot, but this is yet another loss that my new grandmother is having to deal with.

so now i have to decide whether or not i can or should go to germany to hopefully see him one last time. I know my mom will pay for me to go over so that's not an issue, but Im not sure my being there would be best for them there. I don't want to force people to put on a false front, or have to be sociable when it's to hard for them, and im not sure i am close enough to them for me to be seen as the type of family you dont have to be perfect for, the family you will let see you with your barriers down. I might me too much of an intruder.

i feel so lost
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